May 2011
21 posts
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“your backpack feels like you fail your classes.”
– overheard in my leadership class this morning
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Somebody tattooed a giant tree on Monta Ellis →
i <3 that this makes it sound like monta ellis was raped by a tattoo artist.
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“in skyrim there’s dragons. so many dragons, like millions of them…...”
– husband whisper shouting about a video game as he tucks me in
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Japanese Anti Rape/Mugging Dress Transforms Into... →
this is definitely clark kent’s rape prevention kit.
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Watchbrilliant-disguise:
unicornery:
DeCicco Brothers Unicornery, off Route 13 in Passaic NJ!
I’m reblogging this again because it’s probably one of the most amazing things I found this year on tumblr. AND I DON’T EVEN LIKE SNL.
um. my life was just completed.
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khloe kardashian
well i’m as surprised as anyone, but i’ve developed empathy for khloe kardashian. any joke about her weight is as good as bullying to me, and yeah, i know she’s famous and she has gobs of money and all sorts of privilege, but she’s still a person, for pete’s sake.
i’m not saying there aren’t a million other reasons to make fun of khloe kardashian- her...
“why don’t you just go fuck a producer?”
– my husband, when i said if ellie goulding can get record deal i could, too
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“i’m not sure if i can tell the difference between iraq and iran, but i...”
– alan jackson’s song “where were you when the world stopped turning”, neatly summarizing everything that is wrong with america. touche, sir.
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paralysis
i’m the kind of asshole that is afraid to apply for a job because i’m afraid i won’t even get an interview while being simultaneously afraid i’ll be offered the job and have to make a decision.
Anonymous asked: are you a wizard
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“i believe assault should be legal if the person is a jerk”
– leslie knope (amy poehler), parks & rec
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abdc
if i hadn’t just caught a moment of america’s best dance crew while searching for sleep just now, i probably never would have recalled the one season i watched that show faithfully.
like to the point where i knew each crew’s general style and i would predict how they would handle challenges with a chilling degree of accuracy.
clearly this was a dark time in my life.
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i am undeniably my mother's daughter
i get home from my book club at 10:40 and see the house is dark, the driveway empty.
my FIRST THOUGHT is: something awful has happened to husband on his way home from work and he’s injured/dead.
it takes me 10 solid minutes of freak out to remember he plays rec league hockey on wednesday nights and i am a moron.
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because i'd rather die than gain weight
this blog is dangerously close to being renamed “reasons i miss smoking” and becoming a home where i can express all of my socially unacceptable appreciation for my nicotine fix.
there are a lot of things i miss about smoking and it’s only been three days. supposedly the first three days are the hardest. if tomorrow i can see someone smoking and not want to strike them down...
