driving to work at 730 this morning, i see a man stumbling across my block with a ziploc bag containing an ice pack held up to his face, obscuring his left eye. he’s late fifties, early sixties and sporting disheveled hair with a mean 10 o’clock shadow.
me, yelling from car window as i slow down: sir, are you okay?
him: (continues to stagger, zig zagging across the street, not responding to my inquiry)
me, now stopped 10 feet away from him: sir, ARE YOU OKAY??
him, looking up at me confused and irritated as he pulls the bag away from his face: what???
me, perplexed by his anger: i was wondering if you were okay? do you need help?
him, even angrier than before: yeah, i’m fine. do YOU need help?!
me, as i realize it is not an ice pack in the bag but his fucking cell phone and he was in the middle of a call: no, i’m okay, thanks (hits accelerator hard).
immediate internal monologue as i drive away: it’s 65 degrees out and sunny. why is your cell phone in a plastic bag? ugh… i am an idiot.
we are all thoroughly in awe of your commitment to going green by letting your yellow mellow, but walking into the staff restroom to find a toilet full of your piss is not what i need to deal with during the three minutes i get for myself every day. it’s fucking gross. if i wanted to encounter unflushed human waste, i’d just use the kids’ restroom.
- when i was 4, i would eat dirt off the path behind my school when we would go on walks through the forest. i should have a much stronger immune system.
- i am completely addicted to the fuckyeahmoleskines tumblr and i see a million amazing drawings a day now. i think i need to start taking art classes, again, too.
- last week, one of my favorite comedians included me in a follow friday alongside andy kindler, todd barry and rob delaney. it was totally meaningless in the overall structure of life, but it made me so happy i didn’t stop smiling for hours.
- living in oakland rules, except for the part where sometimes i toss and turn all night afraid someone is going to break into my house. i wish i could help my community take better care of each other.
- there are lots more truths and feelings hiding in my head and i am afraid to let them out because i don’t want to make people i care about face difficulties or feel bad. someday maybe i’ll find a way to either make them be quiet or let them out.
kids, kids. i’m gonna need you to be real quiet today. ms. jones stayed up way past her bedtime watching competitive cooking shows on demand and feels like she drank a bottle of whiskey solo. thanks.